INTO THE BLUE
Thomas showed me to our usual table overlooking the dining terrace. David wasn’t there waiting for me.
I ordered a black coffee and took out my diary. The one I use for my regular job. I stared at the empty pages and thought about David, the way the blue of his eyes reflected whatever space he was in.
After 30 minutes, I began to feel concerned. After 45 minutes, Thomas asked me if I wanted to order something.
“Could you bring me the bill, please?” I said, wondering what space David was in now.
“Of course, Madam.”
I paid in cash, then rose, studying the crowd outside. Sunlight streamed through the latticework onto the tables. Everyone looked happy. No one looked towards me.
I walked casually through the restaurant, planning my next step. When an agent loses their handler, they must follow protocol. I sent a text.
“I’ve broken the heel of my shoe. Can you bring me another pair?”
“I’ve broken the heel of my shoe. Can you bring me another pair?”
“Sorry, I can’t.”
That was it then. The fragile wall separating me from disaster crumbled. I read the news on my phone: “Man killed in hit and run outside Opera identified as David Gold, software designer.”
I walked downhill from St Denis, into the Jewish Quarter, and deposited my message in the “Building fund” box outside an ancient synagogue, a £2 note.
I took the small valise from the locker I kept at Gare Du Nord, containing two changes of clothes and $50,000 in cash, and boarded the next train to Amsterdam.
In the lowlands, the blue water reflected a perfect image of the train. I wondered if David was really dead.
I knew I had been nothing more than a useful tool to him, but without him, I wasn’t sure what use I was to anyone.
I knew I had been nothing more than a useful tool to him, but without him, I wasn’t sure what use I was to anyone.