SUNRISE
Jason gave us the compass and told us if we kept walking due west, we would see them. None of us thought it was possible. The little ones didn’t believe they existed.
I was older, nearly fifteen and I’d never seen one, but Jason was the oldest man we’d ever found. He was twentyfive, laying on a stone ledge, waiting for the vultures.
“If you make it to Malibu Canyon, you’ll see them on the ridge. They’ve got leaves and everything."
“What are leaves?” asked Kenny. He was only seven, one of the last ones born after the Sunrise.
Hey Lindaura Palund-Glamoura, I love this. Nice clean prose, telling a huge story in a handful of words. This is one your best.
ReplyDeleteThank you Carlos. You are turning out to be a bigger fan than I am!
ReplyDeleteVery dark vision. Reminded me of The Road by Cormac McCarthy. I liked the way you teased from the start and that the payoff was something so simple and beautiful as trees. Very good writng!
ReplyDeleteHere's mine: http://bridgesareforburning.wordpress.com/
Thank you for appreciating this. Carlos also mentioned The Road in a private email. I wasn't thinking of exactly that vision, but yes, similar. That was a great book. And so many ways to end our existence...
DeleteWow, I did not see that coming. I liked the innocence of the children, it was quite a shock when it turned out to also be the innocence of the post-apocolyptic! But wow, and what a good idea to have trees be this mystical symbol of hope and connection.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Elmo, Thank you for enjoying this.
ReplyDeleteYou're missing one " in the sentence before the end.
ReplyDeleteThere was so much in this, it really hit me hard. Well played!
Here's mine: http://wp.me/p29sL6-E
Thanks for that! I hate mistakes and I have corrected it! Off to your place now!
DeleteMost definitely just tweeted this one
ReplyDeleteNicely done. I liked their sense of wonder for something we take for granted. :)
ReplyDeleteIt feels like the beginning of an epic like Mad Max's "Every night we 'members the tell. I really enjoyed it and would love to see a whole story!
ReplyDeleteWow...nice post-apocalyptic take on the photo with just a twist of Children of the Corn! Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDelete~Susan
Your Children of the Corn comment made me laugh! But yes, I kind of wanted to have that innocence with a touch of callousness that children just have naturally. Don't you just love them?
ReplyDeleteI loved how you set this up to make us wonder until the very last sentence. Then you revealed what it was they sought and cemented the setting to a post-apocalyptic time. Very crafty, Linda!
ReplyDeleteGood work, Linda. Lots of detail in so few words.
ReplyDeleteLove the naming Sunrise and how that fits with the ages, Robin
ReplyDeleteWow - love the way you surprised us with trees being what they had never seen before. Excellent!
ReplyDeletePerfect for Los Angeles. I remember an LA relative showing me some property she'd bought "in the country." She took me to it and it was a desert — not a tree in sight! Just tufts of brown grass, rattlesnakes and sandy dirt. The death of the earth could go by her blissfully unnoticed.
ReplyDeleteThis could easily be the start of a novel and it could go in any number of directions. Would love to see it developed further.
ReplyDeleteHere's my story: http://wp.me/p24aJS-2l
Dear Lindaura,
ReplyDeleteThis reminded me of Where Late the Sweet Bird Sing. Sad and strangely stirring. There is not much more to say that hasn't already been said above. just wanted to let you know I agree with everyone and believe this was one of the best in a strong showing this week.
Aloha,
Doug
Oh wow. So frightening and well-depicted. Thanks for sharing. (I second Doug). I had a busy weekend that prevented me from getting around to the stories as soon as I would have liked, but I am glad to have made it eventually.
ReplyDelete