Thursday, 26 January 2012

FRIDAY FICTIONEERS - 27 of Jan 2012 - THE LAST STOP - My 100 words - from Linda Palund



The Last Stop

       Damn, she’s a troublemaker.  Kids usually trust me; that’s how I got this job.  I’m really an actor.  Now my job is delivering kids.
         It’s sad, cause I have grandkids the same age. But I keep reminding myself, what if my grandkids needed a kidney? Wouldn’t want them stuck on the bottom of some donor list! 
         They only take one kidney.  Afterwards, they go to the “House”. Sure, they get used, but they’re well fed and drug free. 
       When they grow up, they go back to the hospital.
        Crap, I better get this one out or I won’t get paid.




                                                  Madison's Prompt
                           http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/flash-fiction/first-contact/
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19 comments:

  1. Anonymous27 January 2012 at 12:43

    ooh, eerie. But nicely done, Linda. I quickly tuned into the man's voice and his mixed emotions about what he was doing.
    I was a bit muddled about why they went back to the hospital once they grew up, but otherwise you captured your world nicely in 100 words!

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  2. Linda Palund27 January 2012 at 12:45

    Yes, I didn't have enough words to include that happens at the hospital - I had to edit everything out - including the 'house', sadly. I just whisked by with 100 words NOT including the title.
    thanks,

    Laura

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  3. Mike27 January 2012 at 13:04

    Nicely done.
    The mixture of the kindly Grandad and the somewhat dubious scheme he's involved in worked well.

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  4. Anonymous27 January 2012 at 13:10

    Eeek! What an idea and scary old man. I think you did it well with the 100 words, though. Nice job.

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  5. Susie Lindau27 January 2012 at 14:14

    Creepy one! Kidneys and little boys....Nice!

    Here is mine. You are welcome to leave a link in my comment section as well.
    http://susielindau.com/2012/01/27/just-another-day-100-word-flash-fiction/

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  6. Anonymous27 January 2012 at 15:14

    Interesing direction to go. Made me want to know more. Good job of creating character in a short space.
    Here's mine: http://bridgesareforburning.wordpress.com/

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  7. Anonymous27 January 2012 at 16:37

    Way to tell a BIG story in 100 words. That one left my mind spinning with possibilities - all of them disturbing!

    Very nicely done, Linda.

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  8. carlos27 January 2012 at 18:28

    Eeeuuu! Grisly! But I'll have one of those kidneys, please. Not in a pie, though; the crust is too fattening, bad for my kidneys. You had Never Let Me Go in your head like I had Melancholia in mine. Maybe we should stay away from movies...

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  9. Linda Palund27 January 2012 at 18:39

    Thanks for the comment, Carlos. I only have 7 including yours. Boo Hoo.

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  10. Douglas MacIlroy27 January 2012 at 19:19

    Dear Linda,

    Your story was strange and spooky and absolutely scary. We are so close to the jungle and your story illustrates that perfectly. Top drawer imagination and execution. How on earth did you come up with this idea? Chills are running up and down my spine. Whew!

    Aloha,

    Doug

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    Replies
    1. Linda Palund28 January 2012 at 11:16

      Doug! You have to forgive me, for you have been so complimentary and I actually was not so complimentary of yours - eek - I dared to say things I wouldn't normally, if you were not so good a writer. Please take them in the best spirit.
      I also wanted to add, that since we are in the UK, we get Madison's prompt earlier than everyone else. I usually write my story on Thursday night and totally rewrite it when I wake up in the morning on Friday!
      I think you are great.
      Linda

      Delete
  11. Elise Rae27 January 2012 at 21:43

    I think this is my favorite one this week. This is terrifying.
    I'm with Doug on this- where did this idea spring from!? It worked out in your favor. :)

    Here's mine:

    http://eliseschapira.wordpress.com/2012/01/27/here-for-you/

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  12. Susan Wenzel27 January 2012 at 21:59

    Horrible - but right up my alley! For the right price, anything is possible..isn't it? Thank you for sharing.

    ~Susan (Here's mine: http://www.susanwenzel.com/)

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  13. Anonymous27 January 2012 at 22:51

    Very creepy Linda! I think a whole novel can be written from that little piece too. Great exercise in character study, and you did a great job of giving depth to the (possibly) antagonist in only 100 words.

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  14. Linda Palund28 January 2012 at 11:13

    Thanks, Madison. This prompt looked completely uninspiring when so many of us first looked at it, but it ended up inspiring some amazing stories.

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  15. Jan Morrill28 January 2012 at 13:09

    Very sinister! It gave me chills, Linda. Great job in so few words!

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  16. Robin Hawke28 January 2012 at 16:12

    There was a battle for me as a reader. When I tried to understand it, I deleted the first sentence which solved my problem. So if that's all it took, I must have pulled off to the side hoping I'd get in that one instead of the conductor's.

    Rereading it, I found the conductor a conflicted voice with moral dilemmas...quite an achievement in such a short piece, Robin

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  17. Robin Hawke28 January 2012 at 16:14

    I hate not being able to edit comments.

    Replace get in that one with get in the troublemaker's story

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  18. Parul31 January 2012 at 08:25

    Hmm... I would have never been able to think of something like this with this prompt... This world has strange ways, and stranger are our ways to deal with them...
    A very nice and thoughtful piece.

    I got very late in making my entry this time...
    here it is:
    http://faitaccompli.wordpress.com/2012/01/30/grow-up-now/

    ReplyDelete

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