Thursday 9 February 2012

FRIDAY FICTIONEERS - 10 of Feb 2012 - BROKEN - My 100 words - from Linda Palund



Broken

         The Devil had been there before us.  The broken mushroom was a dead giveaway, literally. We were getting closer. 
         Everyone stood back while I examined the disturbed ground around the mushroom.  The odour of sulphur was overpowering; nauseating and asphyxiating at the same time, as if he was trying to repel us with his scent.  
         But we were not deterred.  We carried the golden braid and the silver shackles to bind him.
         There would be no escape for him now; his usefulness was over.  Zack already had the lariat ready when we caught up with him at Crater Lake.




http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/flash-fiction/so-near-100-words/#comment-8753

26 comments:

  1. Another ominous story. Very nice!

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  2. Hah! The Devil is real! And living in Oregon. Where do you get those golden lariats? Your writing is very good in this one, the rhythm of your sentences, the ebb and flow of the story; pretty expert, Ms Glamoura.

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  3. That's me! I am an expert on all things devilish! Just from reading "Perelandra" by CS Lewis!

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  4. I had a disconcerting sympathy for The Devil. Who is the villain here? Perhaps it was your line, "His usefulness was over." I love writing that leaves me with a question like that. Excellent, Linda!

    Here's mine:
    http://jansthoughtsovercoffee.blogspot.com/2012/02/flashfriday-fridayfictioneers-lovers.html

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  5. Thanks, Jan. You got it! I love readers who get what's between the lines.
    On my way to you now,
    Lindaura

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  6. The word choice here is fantastic, and the pacing and the sense of wholeness in the story -- that is it complete.

    Lovely work. Here's mine: http://thecolorlime.wordpress.com/2012/02/10/trip-99/

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  7. So, they are capturing him alive. Hmm . . . I fear he may escape in a future episode and wreak havoc on the delicate balance between good and evil. Very creative use of the prompt.

    here's mine http://russellgayer.blogspot.com/

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  8. I love that the devil smells like sulfur. But, what do they intend to do with him when they catch him? Curious! You word usage was excellent in this piece as well.

    ~Susan (Here's mine! http://www.susanwenzel.com/)

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  9. Intrigued what they'll do with him when they catch him and how his usefulness "is over." Interesting story, Linda. :)

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  10. Haha, I love the concept of tracking and trapping the devil. Amazing how so many of us tuned into the same vein even with this very unprovocative photo. And the part I love so much about seeing what everyone wrote is how different each one is even if the concept is similar.

    So where did you come up with the 'golden braid' idea? Cool.

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    1. Thanks, Madison,
      Just tapping into the collective unconscious there. Figured we'd need those precious elements and I kept thinking of the Golden Fleece - at the same time as visualising the devil as some wasted human shaped being who had used up all his magic on his stupid traps for poor souls!

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  11. Dear Lindaura,

    Your entire story was great but I was entranced by the vision of Crater Lake as one of the Devil's hideouts, if not his main portal of entry into our world. Loved too the golden braid and silver shackles to bind him. Great story.

    Aloha,

    Doug

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    1. Thanks, Doug, I have to say, it took me a while to come up with the right spot to catch him - I started with Mann Gulch!

      BTW: We just saw "The Descendants" with George Clooney and really liked it. Have you had a chance to see it yet?

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  12. I enjoyed your story. The sulphur smell was a great touch, I think. I also found Crater Lake to be an incredible setting--just has an ominous ring to it. Good job!

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  13. You'd have to be pretty badass to hunt the Devil down. As in "protagonist from the game Doom"-style badass. What are they gonna do with him once they catch him? Whatever it is, some free advice - if he complains the shackles are to tight, tighten them more. He is the Prince of Lies, after all.

    Here's my entry:
    http://jaykayel.wordpress.com/2012/02/10/loose-lips-100-word-flash-fiction/

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  14. I am with you. I know all his tricks, that's what I love about him.
    On my way to your side now.

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  15. I thoroughly enjoyed this :-) The atmosphere is superb and it took me well beyond the words on the page/screen. I wonder if perhaps those seeking to trap the devil are overconfident and so might get more than they bargain for? Very well done, thanks for sharing.

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  16. I went with the tracking scenario also, but I failed to include Satan, so you win the drama merit badge for your version of the chase scene. Crater Lake? I was thinking Devils' Tower! Good story!
    My little ditty: http://bridgesareforburning.wordpress.com/

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    1. I had a hard time coming up with the location, because I didn't want to be so unsubtle. I thought about "The Devil's Postpile" in Mamouth Lakes and Istarted with Mann Gultch that I stole from an Ironwoodwind story, but settled on Crater Lake because if you have ever seen it, you can see that it is one of the perfect gateways to hell!

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  17. Great ending. I was waiting for an exorcist to arrive. Love the golden braid and silver shackles. Here's mine:
    www.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com

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  18. Since many mushrooms contain sulphurous compounds, the broken mushroom could turn out to be a false trail allowing the Devil to come up behind them. Could be an interesting complication.

    Thank you for mentioning Perelandra. It seems too few people have read Lewis' Space Trilogy nowadays.

    Here's my story: http://wp.me/p24aJS-2F

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    1. Yes, it is one of those hidden gems, but I will always think it is one of the best portraits of the Devil and I always remember the scene by the campfire when Ransom is exhausted and trying to sleep and all night long the Devil says "Ransom? Ransom?"
      "What is it now?"
      "Oh, nothing..."
      and five minutes later, "RAnsom? Ransom!
      "What is it now?"
      "Oh, nothing..."

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  19. This is great drabble. I Love the idea of tracking down the Devil. Wonderful job!

    The link to my drabble this week is here: http://quillshiv.wordpress.com/2012/02/10/white-rot/

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  20. Thanks, I have been to your site and I really liked your offering this week. My Lindaura comment should be there somewhere!

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  21. I wondered if I should know they were tracking the devil from the first sentence. It worked as is, so hard to know if this thought would be an improvement or not but thought I'd pass it on.

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  22. hmmmm...Can not quite make out what you mean...But it seemed to work....

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