Thursday 12 April 2012

FRIDAY FICTIONEERS - 13 of April - TODAY - - My 100 words - from Linda Palund

NOTE FROM LAURA: Below is my first attempt for this week's story and above is my second. I thought the one below was too much like all my recent stories. I was going to delete it, but I just couldn't; stories are kind of like children, you gotta love them, so I left it here, too.


You do not have to read both of them. I kept this one for the heck of it. And also for those gosh-darned Limeskins, who won't leave me alone...


TODAY

It looks so clean today, almost welcoming, that “Scenic Bikeway” tunnel, created from the disused railway line.
You wouldn’t find a trace of anything there now, not after all that bleach and those massive fire hoses they used to wipe it clean.  
But the stain wasn’t wiped from my memory. 
They blocked up the exit and chased them inside.  They used every tool they had, from pitchforks to guns.  Afterwards, they went home, cleaned themselves up, ate pancakes with their kids. 
No one talks about it, but I miss the ones who died there.  I miss the ones who died.

9 comments:

  1. I thought this one was good too. I'm not sure which I prefer, they're both horrifying in their own way. And in my book, 'horrifying' is good. When I read it, I imagined the 'ones' killed inside the tunnel to be either animals or aliens, (nice aliens, of course) and that made it sad as well, contrasting as it did with the images of people going home to eat pancakes with their kids. I'd not have been able to relinquish this one either Linda. Good work.

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    1. Thanks, Sandra.
      That helps me a bit - as I feel absolutley inadequate next to your smart little tales!
      gratefully,

      Laura

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  2. Gee, Ms Glamoura, I think I liked this one more, but not in a way that means it is better, if that makes any sense. This one was more complex, conjuring images of the Holocaust and Frankenstein and then contrasting them with middle American pancake breakfasts. Great!

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  3. Hey, thanks Carlos,
    I value your opinion also.

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  4. I think I liked the second one better but they were both good. The second one makes me want to know more. What happened there? Who died? Who killed them? Nice work.

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  5. Hi Linda,
    I liked both stories - the child in the red raincoat is a beautifully crafted twisting story of light and darkness, while this one is much more unfathomable. The pancake breakfasts shows perfectly the contempt the killers had for whoever died and I love the repeated last line.

    I’m over here: http://elmowrites.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/friday-fiction-the-tunnel/

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    1. Thank you, Elmo, yes, the pancakes.... Somehow people can always compartmentalise. Hitler loved animals they say...

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  6. Mm. That echo in the last paragraph is really effective. Nice work, Linda.

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  7. Another haunting tale with a very harrowing feel to it. Again, please be proud of what you write. :-)

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